I have a lifetime of goals that I have never reached. I think I have figured out the problem. I’m aiming higher than possible. Recently I decided I would walk 1000 miles in 3 months. I’ve been killing myself to do at least 10 miles per day. This isn’t working for me. I haven’t quit because I didn’t want to give up. Today, I quit…but I’m not failing. My goal was to get in shape. I’m not going to quit running/walking/jogging…sometimes crawling. I don’t have 150 minutes a day to devote to my fitness. It isn’t realistic. I have 4 children that I homeschool and I work 44 hours a week. By doing 3 miles a day and eating healthy, it takes me about 40 minutes a day and I’m still getting in shape. It isn’t that my legs don’t look amazing, it’s just overkill.
My goal has been to not miss a page in my children’s textbooks and to keep them right on track…however, this too, is killing me. They are working long hours, I’m defeating my purpose of homeschool, by not going at their speed. So what if I spend more time on long division than is scheduled. It is more important that they nail it. This is about more than showing off my ability to get the curriculum done, it’s about my ability to actually teach it. I don’t want them to do well, I want them to excel.
I complain because the house is too cluttered…and it isn’t clean enough. Both are true on a regular basis. I complain that no one else in the house cares. This is true, too. That’s my fault. I make the kids do chores, but I don’t emphasize how important it is by telling them that they get no privileges if it isn’t done immediately. Honestly, I’ve always been against the “honey-do” list…but it’s becoming very appealing.
I remember being in 7th grade and the teacher asking what we all wanted to be when we grew up. I said a free lance writer. I wanted that flexibility. Somewhere between the paycheck and the title, I seem to have drowned in my current job. You guessed it, there is no writing involved. I can’t complain, it’s a job. There are so many people in the world who really need a steady job. I just need to give myself the courage to work at doing the job I want. I woke up one day (today), 33 years old and not wanting to get out of bed because I knew I had a long list of things to do, and knowing that none of them would bring me pleasure. I could blame the world for not making life picture perfect, but we all know that would be wrong. Life is not picture perfect, it is what you make of it. Nothing is handed to you. You have to go get your happiness. I tell my children these things often, but I forget to practice what I preach. I think it’s about time I started. Before I know it, I’ll be 43…53…63 and life will still be the same. I’ll wake up doing what I have to do and not getting any pleasure from it. The only person who can change that is me. I think I’ll get started now…