So, the other day I made a list of the top 10 things I do to annoy my kids. Click here.  So while I was enjoying the quiet of the morning…with no one awake in the house, I thought, oh yeah, they aren’t angels either.   Here is a list or things they do to annoy me:

10.  Put empty boxes/milk jugs away. – Dude, if you eat the last cookie…throw away the empty container.  Why leave one sip in a jug so that you can go through the trouble of opening a fridge door and sitting it in there? Oh yeah tossing it in the trash can 5 feet away is soooooo much more difficult.

9.  Screaming. – So we’ve all been that parent that ran for our life to get to our children and protect them from the bear that is trying to eat them…only to find out that a sweat bee came within 100 ft from them.  Yes, the dramatic screaming has been a plague of motherhood since 2001 at my house.  Rule of thumb: If you are not broken or bleeding or in immediate danger of one of those…DON’T SCREAM!

8.  Tattle telling. –  Someone should tell my kids they could get by with so much more if they would only stop telling on each other.  I mean, if it’s harmless and follows the above mentioned rule of thumb, why are we telling me?  It’s a win-win.  They don’t get into trouble, I don’t have to yell.  There is no good reason to tell me that the 8 year old ate a bugger or the 12 year old snatched a couple of cookies right before dinner.  As long as they both still eat dinner without complaint, no harm done.

7.  Complain about chores. – I grab the laundry baskets.  I wash the laundry.  I dry the laundry. I fold the laundry. Do you think I want to hear complaint about the fact you are required to put your socks away?  I grocery shop.  I pay for the food.  I cook the food.  I serve the food. Do you think I care if you have to wash your plate after dinner?  In case you were not sure, the answer to those questions is “NO”.  Of course, as they get older, that chore list grows.  Since they need the life practice, I just call it Home Economics. I mean, if public schools can call it a subject, so can I.

6.  Will not allow me to pee in peace.  There are very few reasons that I get to shut my kids out.  Peeing is one of those.  My kids can ignore me all day, spend a Saturday with Minecraft in their room ignoring me…but let me shut that door to pee? Oh, hell no!  “Moooommmmm”.  Interestingly enough,  it’s usually one of the other reasons on this list that they are yelling.  Of course, it’s always an emergency.

5.  Spend all of their money on junk…then asking me for money! – I keep saying, “If there is something you want, save all of your money until you have enough!”  Do they listen? NO!  My youngest, who is at the learning age for technology, wants an ipod.  He likes his sisters and wants to be able to shoot videos and share directly to youtube.  I don’t mind, and I was going to get him one for his birthday.  Here is the thing.  He wanted other things for his birthday, so he didn’t get the ipod.  Fine by me.  Then he asked me for one after his birthday, and I said, “They are $200, save your money, you still have $40 of your birthday money.”  Sounded good to him…until he really wanted those legos.  Then the kid has the nerve to say, “Can I have some money?” KIDS!!!

4.  Fighting with each other. – It isn’t surprising.  I mean it’s not like I have no siblings.  At this point, I’m just of the mind to say, “take it outside and don’t hit your little brother!”  I mean, he has a mouth on him, but he’s still my baby.  No sibling abuse allowed!

3.  Toy hoarding. – That’s right.  Us parents all dread every single McDonald’s happy meal.  Every birthday party.  Every Christmas gathering.  While our children are collecting these small treasures that they will never willingly let go of, we are secretly thinking about the sleepover they go to that allows us to go in with a trash bag and get rid of them.

2.  Never putting things away. – Legos…skylander…action figures…shoes…you name it!  At some point, we’ve all stepped on, tripped, and kicked the horrible little delights of children’s happiness.  I’ll hold a grudge against Legos for the rest of my life…money sucking…feet harming…little plastic pieces of agony!

1. Eating whatever they want without gaining weight. –  I mean, I have to practically starve to not gain 5 lbs every night at dinner.  I have these 12 year olds…2 of them…they eat morning, noon, and night and NEVER GAIN AN OUNCE.  Totally not fair!

BONUS:  My kids do so much to annoy me, I couldn’t do it in 10.  They refuse to try new things. Want a blackberry? NO  Wanna try a burrito? NO  Wanna watch this movie? NO  Wanna try Chinese, go here instead, do anything you didn’t do last week?  I really hope they outgrow this one.

Now with all of this said, amazingly, these are still my most favorite people in the whole world.  I wouldn’t wanna spend my day arguing with anyone else.  I have not spent one lonely day since I became a mother for the first time almost 15 years ago.  Of course, that doesn’t mean the can’t be a pain in my rear end from time to time!


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