I ONLY MISS ME SOMETIMES

“Do you ever miss yourself?  The person you were before life changed everything?”  That fb post stared me in the face.  I rarely read those silly things.  Quotes are all over the place, clogging up my feed.  I mentally skip by them or I’ll be reading all day.  I read this one, which made me reflect.  I considered what I used to be.  Energetic, full of life and dreams.  A daredevil of sorts.  Usually doing stupid things, too many stupid things for such a smart girl.  I hadn’t really thought of myself as very different now, but I guess I am.  Do I miss my old self? Sometimes?

At what point did life change everything?  Was it meeting the right man?  Was it my first child? Second….?  Was it work or bills?  I don’t know.  I think it was a slow change with each new change in my life.  I once drove 4 hours (pre-gps) somewhere I’d never been, just to get a goodnight kiss from the future Mr.  I used to ride horses and climb trees.  I was the fun aunt, and now I am often the strict mother.  My kids would have loved 17 year old me so much more than 34 year old me.

That younger version was wild and inspiring.  At least, I thought she was.  Now, I sit here reflecting.  Funny how memory can be selective in what it shows us.  Had to adjust my filter a bit.  I mean, let’s not forget that while getting drunk and riding on top of a car was fun at the time…it was only because I didn’t get hurt that I smile about it.  I wouldn’t do it again.  Boring old me knows better.  I tend to forget that I thought the world would be over if I didn’t find a man.  I was insecure and irrational.  I had no plans.

I may not be the same, but I think I kept some of the best pieces of myself.  My idea of fun and love have changed.  So, nope, I do not miss myself before life changed everything.  I didn’t even know myself back then, and I wasn’t even complete yet. 😉

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