“Do you ever miss yourself? The person you were before life changed everything?” That fb post stared me in the face. I rarely read those silly things. Quotes are all over the place, clogging up my feed. I mentally skip by them or I’ll be reading all day. I read this one, which made me reflect. I considered what I used to be. Energetic, full of life and dreams. A daredevil of sorts. Usually doing stupid things, too many stupid things for such a smart girl. I hadn’t really thought of myself as very different now, but I guess I am. Do I miss my old self? Sometimes?
At what point did life change everything? Was it meeting the right man? Was it my first child? Second….? Was it work or bills? I don’t know. I think it was a slow change with each new change in my life. I once drove 4 hours (pre-gps) somewhere I’d never been, just to get a goodnight kiss from the future Mr. I used to ride horses and climb trees. I was the fun aunt, and now I am often the strict mother. My kids would have loved 17 year old me so much more than 34 year old me.
That younger version was wild and inspiring. At least, I thought she was. Now, I sit here reflecting. Funny how memory can be selective in what it shows us. Had to adjust my filter a bit. I mean, let’s not forget that while getting drunk and riding on top of a car was fun at the time…it was only because I didn’t get hurt that I smile about it. I wouldn’t do it again. Boring old me knows better. I tend to forget that I thought the world would be over if I didn’t find a man. I was insecure and irrational. I had no plans.
I may not be the same, but I think I kept some of the best pieces of myself. My idea of fun and love have changed. So, nope, I do not miss myself before life changed everything. I didn’t even know myself back then, and I wasn’t even complete yet. 😉