MORE OF MY EPIC MOTHERHOOD FAILURES…

I wait until my kids leave home, creep into their room and steal old, outdated, and broken toys.  Yes, I’m a thief.  Then, I pretend I have no idea where those toys are when they eventually look for them.

I let my kids have kool-aid.  I also let them have the occasional soda.   What kind of mother lets her kids have that sugar???

I also let my kids eat processed food!  Hot dogs…canned ravioli…you name it, when I’m in a hurry, and have no time, I feed them whatever is handy!!!  (This is however, not the usual way I feed my children.)

I force my children to go outside.  I mean, what kind of mother kicks her kids out of the house for physical activity and vitamin D???  Oh yeah, I tell them, “GET OUT!”

I frighten my children.  My husband jumps out of the bathroom closet,  after dark, we have banged on their bedroom window, and we once hid from them to make them think we disappeared.  I mean, it’s funny to see their reaction.  (Full disclosure: This was teenagers.  I would not do this to a young child.)

I also tease my children!  Notice the picture below…my daughter is short.  Of course we put her troll where she cannot reach it.

I let my kids watch movies with violence.  I mean, nothing sexual…but dude, Bloodsport was awesome!  Who else will watch it with me since I have no adult friends who will watch it?

I say bad words in front of my kids!  If they haven’t heard them, how will they know what they are so that they don’t say them?  Oh…and now they know how to use all of them in a sentence.

I make fun of my kids.  Let’s face it, the world is a cruel place.  People are going to make fun of you. So, if I make fun of my son…I’m preparing him for the world ahead.  Not my fault he does dumb things.  Oh, and I always say “TOLD YOU SO”.

I sometimes tune my kids out.  I do not care about Sonic the Hedgehog.  I do not care about tattle telling.  I do not care who started the argument.  I will tune them  out!  I will often be making a grocery list in my head while shaking my head and looking concerned.  It’s really a talent.

Last, but not least…I let them wear swim trunks instead of underwear if all of their underwear is dirty.  I purchase and provide them with plenty of clothing.  I have taught them how to use the washing machine/dryer and hang clothes on the line for drying when weather allows.  I can lead a horse to water, but I can’t make it drink.  With that said, the swim trunks usually get them to remember to do their laundry 😛

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